


Sleeves

by BloodthirstyMerc



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Healing, Established Relationship, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed Has ADHD, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Healing, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mute Nines, Muteness, Scars, Self-Harm, mute character, past self-harm, reed900
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyMerc/pseuds/BloodthirstyMerc
Summary: Nines uncaps his pen and starts writing, and Gavin waits patiently.Can I ask you something personal?
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 3
Kudos: 150





	Sleeves

Nines has yet to see Gavin in anything that didn’t cover his arms. It’s usual for him to come to work wearing a leather jacket, his signature outfit like he’s from some cartoon show where they never change their clothes. Nines has learned that he actually has three brown leather jackets, two of which are exactly the same, one that is slightly darker and a different design. But he’s also learned that Gavin owns a black leather jacket too. He doesn’t wear it as much, but he does own it.

Leather jackets aren’t all that Gavin wears, he owns some hoodies too and even a few pullovers, but they aren’t usually his work attire. But it’s the shirts that really get Nines. He’s never seen Gavin wear anything that wasn’t a long-sleeved t-shirt. Be it the usual V-necks or not, they’re always long sleeves. Even in summer.

Nines can’t figure it out.

The first thought was that he had something to hide. Nines didn’t want to pry, it wasn’t his right to ask Gavin why he never seemed to show his arms. There were a few possibilities that came to mind when he thought about what Gavin could be hiding under long sleeves.

Nines has never seen him roll up his sleeves, even when he’s hunched over a body, his gloves tuck over the ends to keep them from getting into anything. He never seems to want to lift them. He’s caught Gavin with the ends pulled down to his knuckles, fingers curled into his palms to keep the sleeves pulled down. He’s caught Gavin tugging on them like they’re trying to pull themselves up his forearms.

But he’s also seen Gavin completely naked.

The first time, he thought maybe Gavin would try to keep his shirt on and was surprised when it came off so eagerly. And the only thing that he was met with was a tattoo on his right forearm. That was it. He wasn’t even more hairy than an average man would be, and Nines confusion only deepened.

It was by the fifth time that Nines had seen Gavin shirtless that he finally focused on that tattoo, fingers tracing over it, and he asked about it, in the hopes to get an idea of what was going on. The tattoo was simple enough, it extended from his wrist to his elbow and wrapped around his forearm completely. It was just some pine trees, of varying heights. Nothing too out there and Nines doubted it was something that Gavin hated.

Gavin had looked to the ink and shrugged, told him it was just a tattoo, something that he thought looked cool and wanted. The only thing that struck Nines as weird, was when he said he was going to get it on his left arm but changed last minute. He asked why, and Gavin shrugged again, said it just felt right, then laughed at his own unintentional pun, and that was it.

And Nines was left still unsure why Gavin always wore long sleeves.

He tried to pay attention to Gavin’s behaviour, tried to figure out why he might want to keep people from seeing his arms. He didn’t seem to actually have a reason to, and maybe he didn’t. He didn’t mind Nines’ hands all along them, or his mouth, seemed to like the attention, so he couldn’t figure it out. Gavin’s not exactly a person to be ashamed of parts of himself, to want to hide from people.

So, why the sleeves?

Nines did his best to try figuring this out without bringing it up. Because he knew that the moment he voiced it, that forced Gavin to face whatever it was. And maybe he’d react poorly, and Nines would have to deal with the consequences of not being able to mind his own business.

But without any idea, completely lost on what might be making Gavin feel the need to conceal himself, Nines didn’t feel like he had any other choice.

As it is, Gavin’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt right now. He’s in his underwear though, sat on a stool at his kitchen counter with his breakfast just eaten. His head is rested in his palm, squishing his cheek up toward his eye as he scrolls through his phone.

Nines comes over to the other side of the island with his pad of paper and a pen. He usually chooses to use Morse to communicate, and Gavin’s gotten really good at it as well as signing, but for more long-winded conversations, it’s usually easier for Nines to write it down so that Gavin doesn’t get lost. His ADHD means he can only take in so much at once. And Nines doesn’t know that this is going to be a long conversation, but just in case it is, he wants to make sure that Gavin isn’t going to be overwhelmed.

Gavin lifts his gaze when he sees the pad of paper get placed down. He turns off his phone instantly and rests it face down. Nines smiles softly because Gavin is always attentive whenever they talk, which he knows isn’t just because of this barrier between their communication. Gavin’s a good person, even if he has a rough exterior that he wants to make sure everyone knows exists. He’s got a big heart and he respects people.

Nines uncaps his pen and starts writing, and Gavin waits patiently.

**Can I ask you something personal?**

Gavin’s gaze flicks from the question to Nines’ eyes for a second before they move back to the paper. He straightens himself up and folds his arms across the counter. And Gavin’s nervous habit is to tap his fingers, which he does more than Nines thinks he realises. But he doesn’t tap his fingers right now. His hands rest top each other, and his fingers don’t even curl into the end of his sleeves.

“Yeah, go for it.”

Nines wets his lips and turns the paper back toward himself. He could just write out the question, but he needs Gavin to feel comfortable right now, so he writes a little more that probably isn’t needed. But the reassurance will probably be appreciated.

**You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable to. This is just something that I have questioned myself for a while. Don’t feel pressured to say anything you don’t want to, Gavin.**

**Why do you always wear long sleeves?**

What Nines doesn’t expect is to see Gavin’s lip quirk up a little in a smile. There’s a hint to a sadness there, but it doesn’t seep into Gavin’s eyes. He’s not miserable, but this topic clearly holds something in Gavin’s chest that he doesn’t like.

Gavin swallows and grabs the end of his left sleeve and pulls it down his arm, to his elbow. He adjusts it until it’s sat comfortably before he lays his arm out on the counter toward Nines. His palm faces up, but Gavin’s eyes don’t look to his own arm. He’s looking at Nines.

“Do you see anything?” He asks and Nines frowns a little. He leans forward slightly and looks to Gavin’s arm. He’s never noticed anything before, but he’s also never had the chance to look properly. So, he looks. And he takes his time, gazing up and down the length of Gavin’s forearm.

What’s ironic, is that he notices little blemishes in his skin he’s never noticed before, freckles that he didn’t realise Gavin had there before, but besides that, nothing stands out to him. Nothing at all. Not even any slight discolouration, not even a line from the seam in his sleeve digging into his skin. There’s nothing on Gavin’s arm. Nines shakes his head and looks up to Gavin again. He signs, “ **No.** ” even though the headshake would have been enough.

“I do.” Gavin murmurs. Nines blinks slowly before he looks back down to Gavin’s arm. There’s nothing there, clearly, but Nines still looks and he waits. Gavin lifts his other hand and reaches for Nines’ pen. “May I?”

Nines nods and hands it over. Taking the pen, Gavin starts to draw across his arm. All he does is draw lines across the width of his wrist. He draws thirteen down his arm, about the length of the pen if he sat the end against his wrist. Some are thin, others a little thicker. And some are longer than others. They’re not a pattern, not neat in any way. Gavin hands the pen back to Nines and lifts his gaze again to the android's face, even though Nines is still looking at the lines.

“That’s what I see. Even though they’re not there, I can still see them like they are. They haven’t been there for years, and I have no intention to…” Gavin sighs and his right-hand starts to tap against the countertop. “I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. But I still see them, I still remember them. This way… I don’t see them anymore. They’ll always be there, it’s part of who I am, but I don’t need to see them, I don’t want to see them.”

It’s not hard for Nines to pick up the pieces and assume where they should go. He knows about Gavin’s past, he knows what he went through as a kid. But even with all of that, he doesn’t want to make those assumptions.

It takes a lot more energy then it should to take his pen again and write down what he wants to, what he needs to. Nines still doesn’t want Gavin to say anything that he doesn’t want to, so he underlines those words again so that Gavin knows that.

**How old were you? Why did you feel like you had to?**

He wants to understand, that’s all it comes to.

Gavin clicks his tongue and lifts his head a little. He looks like he’s searching the ceiling above Nines’ head for those answers.

“God, I think I was fifteen the first time I cut myself. Why I did it then… was stupid. You know what I went through.” He says and Nines nods. Gavin’s lip twitches again. Another sad smile before he lowers his head. “I was crying, and I told myself I’d really give myself something to cry over. Because I was being a baby. So, I did it. They weren’t deep, barely bled but they stung like all hell, especially when I washed them afterwards. And that sting… it made me feel justified. Like it was okay to cry because I was in pain. Every time I needed to cry after that, I would cut myself.

“Then I started cutting because I was crying and because the pain in my chest hurt so much and I wanted something else to hurt more. It was four days before my seventeenth birthday when I cut deeper. I panicked. I didn’t think I was ever going to stop bleeding. I told my foster mom, she took me to the hospital. I didn’t even need stitches. Then I started therapy.”

Gavin shifts on his stool and Nines can see how uncomfortable he is to be talking about this. He holds out his hand on the counter and Gavin’s fingers close around his own. The skin over Nines’ fingers recedes, and his thumb brushes over the back of Gavin’s knuckles. Gavin’s left-hand stays unmoving, presenting those lines for Nines to see.

“I didn’t cut myself for… almost six months after that. But… things got bad again and the physical pain was so much easier to deal with than the emotional pain. I never cut that deep again though. I kept myself in control. I didn’t… want to die, I just wanted the pain in my chest to stop.

“The day I turned twenty-one, I told myself I would never hurt myself again. At least, not like that. By that stage, I’d already picked up smoking. And... I never have. I haven’t cut myself since I was twenty-one. And the scars healed over with time, and now, you can’t even see them, it’s like it never happened. But every day, I see it and I remember where I was, and I never want to go back there. I wanted to get a tattoo there to cover it up so that I’d stop seeing them. But… I couldn’t do it. I think part of me needs to see them so that I know I didn’t go through all of that pain for nothing. I pulled through, and now I’m happy and I deserve that.”

Nines’ LED finally circles back to blue after being yellow the whole time. He knows that he isn’t the sole reason for Gavin’s happiness, but he also knows that he’s contributed to a lot of it. He knows that he’s made Gavin happy because Gavin has told him as much multiple times. And Nines himself, he’s happy too, with Gavin.

He looks to Gavin’s wrist and he moves his other hand to lightly run over the ink there. He doesn’t apply much pressure, just traces them slowly as he tries to think of what to say. When he pulls his hands away again and goes to write, he doesn’t even end up putting down anything that he thought he would. He just writes the one thing;

**I’m glad you’re here.**

Gavin laughs softly and pulls his hands back to himself. “Yeah, I am too tin-can.”

Nines smiles softly and gets up from his seat. He holds his hand out for Gavin and gets him off his own stool. He guides him over to the sink and runs some warm water and washes the ink from Gavin’s skin. Gavin doesn’t say anything, only watches as he does it. Once Gavin’s arm is dried, Nines lifts his arm and kisses the inside of his wrist softly.

“You’re not going to make a big thing out of this, are you? I promise I’m okay now. Haven’t had a thought like that since I was like… twenty-three.” Gavin chuckles softly. Nines kisses his skin again before he pulls his hands away so that he can sign for him.

**I won’t. Just know that I don’t see you any differently.**

“Thanks, Nines.” Gavin murmurs as he steps closer to Nines’ body and pulls him in for a kiss. Nines’ hands rest on Gavin’s hips and he holds their bodies together.

He only knows as much as Gavin has been willing to tell him, and regardless if it’s the full story or not, it doesn’t change anything. Gavin has been fighting himself and life since the beginning. But he’s pulled through it all to be here now with him. Nines has every intention to make sure Gavin feels as though it was all worth it, to make him happy. Because Gavin has always made him feel like he is worth so much.

And if Gavin deserves anything, it’s to live without pain in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> [Check out my Tumblr!](http://bloodthirstymerc.tumblr.com/about_merc)


End file.
